Speaking Freely

Welcome, new readers! Before reading further, you may want to go back in time and read the first post, "Frequently Asked Questions."

FINALLY we can speak freely! Because we've been traveling and hosting guests so much this summer, we hadn't had good opportunity to tell many people here in Waldport about our adoption plans. It may seem silly, but I wanted the people to whom we are closest to find out first, or at least at the same time (not last). But if we told people one at a time, it'd take forever, and then no one knows who else knows. And we knew once we told Toshia and the rest of the youth group kids, it'd be all over! (No offense, loves, if you're reading this.) But now that we're really getting into the process, we were just bursting to share. With Aaron back from YL camp, I told him I couldn't take it any more--we're telling! Everyone! So this morning at church he stood up and told the congregation at almost the end of the service, since he didn't manage to get it out during regular prayer request time. Everyone grinned and clapped and congratulated us. They're so wonderful. And wouldn't you know it, someone in the congregation has a grandchild also currently adopting from Ethiopia!

I wanted to see Toshia's face when Aaron said it--it was priceless. I've never seen a mouth gape so wide, and for about ten minutes! She was actually almost a bit scary, being so shocked and indignant that she hadn't known--we weren't sure whether she was going to punch us or cry. She soon moved into the latter. Ana looked dazed in her shock. Shayla is calling us Mom and Dad, "so we can get used to it."

After church many of us went to the Adobe for lunch (a celebration of Desi and Heather, Margaret Ann, and, I suppose, per the sermon, "Cloud Appreciation Sunday"), so we got to talk more with some people. Linda is so cute, all giddy to buy baby things and decorate the room. I reminded her of our first experience sewing curtains . . . perhaps we'll find some to buy! Unfortunately Billie was at home with laryngitis, so we had to stop by and tell her, because Linda said she'd be calling Billie to see if she'd talked to me yet until we did. Sure enough, while we were there, Linda called. What a pair you two are!

We still have people from outside of church and most of the kids to tell, but I'm sure word will spread fast (this is Waldport, after all), and now that it's kind of "out there," I feel like I can tell anyone and everyone. Tell one, tell all! We're pregnant on paper! Whee!

Thank you most sincerely to all of you for your happy and supportive responses. Our church is truly a family any child would be blessed to grow up in.

The Countdown Begins.

Note: If you're new to this site, you might want to start with the previous post, FAQs.

Happy birthday to me--I mailed our adoption application! We have applied for the Ethiopia program of Dove Adoptions International. It's a mid-size agency near Portland. We also have started working on home study paperwork for Sandy C., who is an independent social worker but has worked with Dove a lot.

Choosing an agency was somewhat difficult, but since only a few agencies are licensed for Ethiopian adoptions, our choices were greatly narrowed down. I got information packets from five agencies; two of them have waiting lists because their Ethiopia programs are growing so quickly. I got recommendations from people on online adoption forums. I read a lot and eventually called our top choices to ask questions about their programs and process. I won't get into detail here about why we decided on Dove beyond saying we feel comfortable with their program, their accessibility, their facilities in Ethiopia, etc. For you Reformed fans of Providence out there: Dove was the first agency site I ran into when I started thinking seriously about adoption and doing research. A hint? Ethiopia lodged permanently in my heart right then and there. Just took us a while to get to this point of applying.

We have also started on home study paperwork. Well, Aaron has. He spent a day cranking through his "homework" before Young Life camp. My parents have been here, so I have yet to catch up with him. Sandy may be able to come here for our visit around the second week of August. Yes, things are happening fast! Since the application is in the mail, assuming all goes well, the 9-month timeline clock starts now. Stay tuned . . .

Wendy

Frequently Asked Questions about the Wetzels' Adoption

Family and friends, many of you already know that Aaron and Wendy are hoping to be joined by a little Wetzel through the process of international adoption. Thank you for the support you’ve shown us so far! We know this process is foreign (er, no pun intended!) to many of you, as it was to us before we began. I (Wendy) plan to write here regularly as a way of letting you know what’s going on and learning with us more about adoption.

For those of you who haven’t had a chance to talk to us, and to answer some of those questions you may have wanted to know but been afraid to ask, I’m going to start with a little Frequently Asked Questions about the Wetzels’ Adoption.

1. When did you decide to adopt and why?

Why adopt? Wendy couldn’t survive as a freelancer if she had to give up coffee for 9 months. Just kidding!

We have been thinking about whether, when, and how to add children to our family for a long time. We have loved and still do love the many experiences we’ve shared with kids, especially teenagers—but they are not our family. It’s time for us to have a lifelong relationship with a child of our own. You may be wondering how our experiences with Marfan’s Syndrome factored into this decision. We won’t lie; it was a factor in this difficult decision—although we don’t consider adoption “second best” or a consolation prize. Yes, in a perfect world, we might have had biological children. But this sin-sick world is imperfect in many, many ways. It’s also true that in a perfect world, no children would need to be adopted in order to experience the love of a family. We are confident that God will work through adoption to bring us the child or children who are perfect for our family!

2. What kind of adoption are you doing?

We are pursuing international adoption for a variety of reasons. Some of the draws for us are the more structured nature of the process, more predictable costs and time frames (although delays can happen when dealing with two national governments!), the opportunity to learn about another culture and reflect more of God’s world by incorporating it into our family, and the great need for homes for children in many places.

3. What country will your child be from? How did you choose?
Although we have not decided on an adoption agency yet and so could conceivably change our minds, we are pretty sure we’ll adopt from Ethiopia. Although many people are more familiar with adoption from Asian countries, Ethiopia’s adoption programs are growing fast (thanks, Angelina?), making it the 7th most popular country in 2005 and likely to be in the top 5 in 2006 (given that some countries like Russia are making adoption much more difficult these days). The needs in Africa are great due to extreme poverty; malaria, HIV/AIDS, and other diseases; war; and other factors. Ethiopia alone has an estimated 4 to 6 million children needing families. Despite these challenges, Ethiopian children are as healthy as any when adopted, and the country’s adoption system is now well established.

The fact that I (Wendy) am having trouble not including too much information about Africa here indicates the real reason we gravitated to Ethiopia: We have a love for Africa! We've long felt that if there were ever a place we wanted to visit or do missions work in, it would be somewhere in Africa more than anywhere else. The stories and needs capture our imaginations and tug at our hearts more than those of other places. I believe God gives different people an interest in different places and needs so that our attention and passion can be more focused and effective; He seems to have drawn us toward Africa. Who knew that God would allow us to one day not only visit Africa but also love one of His beautiful African people as part of our own family? We look forward to sharing with our child the miraculous story of how God planted the seeds in us long before one of their days came to be.

4. Does that mean your child will be black?
Yes, Ethiopians are generally quite dark-skinned. We will be facing many new experiences and challenges as a multi-racial (or transracial) adoptive family (many of which we also would have encountered had we decided on a different country, especially since we quickly ruled out Eastern European countries, although that also would have been cross-cultural). We hope you will join us in learning all we can about these issues and providing our child a safe place with loving family and friends in the midst of a society and world with messed-up, broken attitudes and history regarding race. We recognize that we have a lot to learn but trust that with your support and God’s empowerment, our family can be a beautiful reflection of love and understanding.

5. How long does the adoption process take and how much does it cost?
Timeframes vary widely between countries, but Ethiopia has one of the faster and simpler processes. We are told that from the time of applying to an agency (we are currently narrowing it down), the process could take only about 9 months. Sounds like about the right amount of time for a baby to arrive!

Costs can vary too, but let’s just say that international adoption is comparable to buying a new car. And yes, that depends on the kind of car! A significant portion of the costs are for travel, of course.

6. How old will your child be? Will it be a boy or a girl?
Ethiopia has healthy young infants available, and we’re requesting as young as possible to experience as much of that early time as we can [insert joke about young minds ripe for brainwashing here!]. Some Ethiopian babies are coming home as young as 4 months old, which was a definite draw for us.

Some agencies do not allow first-time parents to specify a preferred gender; others do. I’ve heard that this is because more people request girls than boys. Some people think it’s not fair to be able to request gender since with a natural birth you can’t—true, but hey, for a natural birth you don't have to first discuss your history, religion, health, and finances with a complete stranger who holds your future plans in their hands. Adoption is difficult, so it should get to have its own perks too, I say! Nonetheless . . . we think we'll let God decide.

7. What are the steps to adopting?
With a lot of research behind us, our next step is to decide on and apply to an adoption agency. The agency performs a “homestudy” (or has a social worker in your state do it, if the agency is elsewhere). This involves providing information and talking to a social worker about how we’re preparing to adopt, our background, our parenting styles, etc. They will come to our house to terrify us that we are not anal-retentive enough in our cleaning—okay, that’s not the reason, although a lot of people worry about it! They write up a report which essentially approves us to adopt.

We then need to file adoption paperwork with the U.S. government and the government of the country from which we’re adopting; the paperwork for that country is called a dossier. Once they approve our dossier and file who knows how many papers on that end, we can receive a referral of a child. We will receive photos and as much medical and background information as is available, which varies. If we see a medical red flag, we can refuse the referral. Since the children are screened for major illnesses and given a medical exam before referral, hopefully at that point we would accept the referral and make travel plans!

We would travel to Ethiopia’s capital city of Addis Ababa and stay near or at the orphanage/care center. The stay required is about one week. Some paperwork there, some paperwork back here in the U.S., and we’re officially all one family! Then, of course, there’s the feeding, diapering, teething, crying, playing, spoiling . . .

8. Is there anything we can do to help?
Sure—we need everything anyone expecting a baby needs! We will need your excitement and encouragement, especially when the paperwork gets tedious and the waiting excruciating. We will need you to come to our garage sale and buy our junk (or help with whatever other ideas we come up with) to help pay for this process and baby gear. And as new parents, we’ll need wisdom and help especially when our baby arrives. We’re thankful to have all of you behind us!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Feel free to comment here or email us, and check back often for our updates and reflections. Blessings,

Wendy and Aaron