Overheard in Youth Work

Student 1: What’s a commodity?

Student 2: Your mom.

File under: Best Use of Old Joke to Disrupt Speaker

Overheard in Youth Work

Student: Except for the three houses right by us, we don’t have any neighbors.

Like Cops, Only More Embarrassing

Great Moments in Youth Ministry

We had about 30 teenagers here for the Super Bowl last week, as is our custom. We project the game on the wall—now in 3-D!—and even have balcony seating (in the loft). Aw yeah, this is a party house. (And it could be yours! For sale!)


Monday we had perhaps the greatest Young Life scavenger hunt ever: Mattress Madness. Four groups of about eight kids, each group carrying a mattress around town on a photo scavenger hunt. Leaders drove around trying to catch them; they would lose points if they were tagged not all jumping up and down on their mattress. Like idiots. Highlights:

• I got to ride shotgun with a night vision video camera and a ten-thousand-jiggawatt spotlight (I'm sure that's legal).
• In an attempt at a spy-vs-spy -style sneak attack, I jumped out and sprinted two blocks with a Mag light, alarming some guy who seem unsure if I was robbing him or being robbed.
• One kid got yelled at by a grumpy cop for running into the street to flag down the cop car.
• One group got eggs thrown at them; one girl got hit in the head.
• The Post Office and some banks will see one heck of an entertaining show if they look at their security camera footage.
  

In short, it was awesome. It was like Cops meets . . . a bunch of idiots jumping up and down on mattresses.

Alas, all photos are currently undergoing forensic examination to see which groups cheated (most). But I'll long treasure the memory in my mind. And in my calf muscles. I really don't do sprinting. Ah, the things the love of young people adrenaline and sugar can compel an old person like me to do.

Overheard in Youth Work:

Impulsive Cop-Chasing Student: "I said we need our picture with your car and he said, 'You're about to be in my car!'"

Overheard in Youth Work

Teenager: He asked if I was a Ducks fan or a Beavers fan and I said neither, I’m a Detroit Lions fan, and he fell on the floor laughing.

Overheard at Nap Time

Sound: Squeeeee.

Sound of door opening.

Aaron: Ah, nooooo.

She was playing the harmonica. She'd reached through the crib bars and pulled it from the toy pile.

A musician never rests (when she's supposed to).

Overheard in Youth Work

Smart aleck announcer 1: The quarterback takes a knee! And . . . she hands it off? Umm, I know it’s Powder Puff but I’m pretty sure that ends the play.

Smart aleck announcer 2: Actually, rule 34a of Powder Puff states that when the quarterback takes a knee, it’s an automatic turnover.

The girls dominated tonight. Seems like they always do.

Any Youth Worker Could Have Told You That

"Depression, teens and marijuana are a dangerous mix that can lead to dependency, mental illness or suicidal thoughts, according to a White House report being released Friday. . . .

"For example, using marijuana increases the risk of developing mental disorders by 40 percent, the report said. And teens who smoke pot at least once a month over a yearlong period are three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than nonusers, it said.

"The report also cited research that showed that teens who smoke marijuana when feeling depressed were more than twice as likely as their peers to abuse or become addicted to pot — 8 percent compared with 3 percent."

Really? Pot is not a good thing? And it's addictive? But all the lazy, depressed, spaced-out pothead kids and their lazy, depressed, spaced-out pothead parents say it doesn't affect them, so it can't possibly affect them. After all, everyone knows that nothing gives you the ability to conduct an honest, thoughtful self-analysis like being on drugs. So just mellow out, doctor dudes.

OVERHEARD IN YOUTH MINISTRY

Student: My stepmom gave my stepbrother pot for his birthday because she said she knew it was all he wanted anyway.

Overheard in Parenting: Linens Say What?

Anna has been learning to make animal noises. "What does a sheep say?" "AAAAAAAAH." "What does a bee say?" "Ssssssssszzzzzz." "What does an owl say?" "Woooooooo."

It's pretty much adorable. And recently it led to the following conversation:

me, seeing clean laundry: Should we put away these towels?

anna: Wooooooo!

me: Oh, sorry—TOWELs, honey, not owls. . . . Good job, though.

Overheard in Youth Ministry

Bossy Teenager: "I was specifically talking to all of you!"

Overheard in Youth Ministry

Teenager to Youth Guy: "I want this picture where you look like you're on drugs. And this one where I look pretty . . . and you're there too."