Some Kind of Regular

(No, this isn't a poop post. In my head it's sung to "Some Kind of Wonderful," okay?)

Aaron made it back Saturday evening in an exhausted heap. We're getting back into a regular life groove again. In summer he's home more evenings, which is nice except that he kind of likes to eat dinner and is here to notice that there's no food parts that make a whole meal. I think I'm going to have to hit the store today.

Sunday afternoon's bed races were the usual SmallPort spectacle. This is such a funky little town. This year there were four entries and a new champion was awarded the coveted Golden Pillow. (Crowd favorite The Bed Wetters retained the Golden Bedpan yet again.)

Our "neighbor" (a few streets up and over) recently adopted her little girl from Ethiopia. We swung by their welcome home party last week to see her and they stopped by Saturday morning to drop off things they'd borrowed and things she brought me from Ethiopia, including a traditional outfit for Anna and some jewelry that's different from what I'd bought. Let me tell you this girl is beautiful. Did you think Anna has big eyes? No--this girl has incredible eyes! All this has left me missing Ethiopia again. I will try to get back to blogging about our trip soon.

I also have to get going on those readoption papers. I know, I know--you've procrastinated this long?! Of course. I realized, however, that I don't have any government ID with the name I told the airlines she's flying under. I called NWA and it's no problem for July, but I think United might be more picky.

I know I shouldn't be intimidated by this stack of papers because it's supposedly an easy process, but I am. I don't know if it's mommybrain or what, but sometimes I feel like I've lost the ability to tackle such things. I think it's partly a symptom of a cluttered desk and office. I need to dig out.

On with the show day, this is it!

Socially Acceptable

Monday I made the exciting trek to the Social Security office to apply for Anna's number. I need this so we can file our taxes and hopefully get a nice fat refund. I had mistakenly thought I might need to complete her Oregon readoption before getting the SSN, but I'm happy to report that I can continue to procrastinate on that set of papers.

I had to drive an hour and a half each way and wait 45 minutes, but they didn't give me any trouble applying. All that time practicing saying "I need to see your supervisor" for naught. Anna did her best to entertain everyone else who was waiting. In two weeks we should have her card with her currently legal name: Yegetanesh Aaron [HisMiddleName]. It has a nice ring to it, don'tcha think?

Hey, at least this particular government transaction was free. AND we got to go to Target. Baby's got new shoes, baby.

Time, Travels

I'm not sure what's wrong with me--why I haven't been writing. I have had a couple days between work projects to get caught up on my to-do lists and I've been only somewhat successful. Trouble getting motivated at the right time, when the little girl is napping, I guess. Then before you know it she's up, she's eating (she's always eating!), and the day's gone. All you experienced mothers are thinking, Duh, newbie.

I mentioned in passing that a couple weeks ago we had our post-placement visit from an agency social worker. This means someone comes to your house for an hour, talks to you, and writes a short report, and you pay for the privilege.

Next we get to pay for Anna's re-adoption in Oregon, which is necessary to get her a U.S. birth certificate and get her name and birthdate all straightened out. I also have to get her Social Security card before we need it for tax purposes. The adoption paper fun never stops.

We took Anna on her first big trip, aside from that whole Ethiopia-to-USA thing, of course. She went with us to Wildhorse Canyon for Young Life leadership training camp. 'Cuz she's already sure she wants to be a Young Life leader. Wildhorse is the most amazing camp and I personally always like to go in the fall (when it's not 110 degrees) and be with the leaders. The only problem is that it's six hours away. After four hours Anna definitely wanted to be out of that car seat. But other than that and her repeated prank of peeing every time her dad had her diaper off (hee hee), she did fantastic. We finally made some good use of our stroller, which I love love love for its rear-facing seat, and she stayed in almost all the big "Club" meetings and workshops with us. She was so exhausted by making new friends everywhere she went--more on this tomorrow--that by Saturday night she slept through every raucous gathering her irresponsible parents selfishly dragged her to. Because hey, we couldn't miss anything involving raw foods and something called a Man-O-Meter for something as petty as sleep.

Camp can be very, very tiring.

Visitors and Future Arrivals

September 9 was a momentous day, seeing as it was not only opening day of football season but also the day we were graced with a visit from an old friend (and our new friend her new fiance)! Yep, 500 bonus points to Amber "Klumpie" for being the first Michigan friend (non-relative) to come out and meet Anna! She her studly ice-carver (is there a cooler job title anywhere?) man were forced to watch football at our house while Anna napped before we went out and played on the coast. Starfish were elusive, but I daresay a good time was had by all. Anna was rockin' it in her sunglasses and my new better-fitting sling and all of us enjoyed the extra warm weather.













Klumpie (Rhymes with Bumpy) is one awesome young woman, and not just because she still addresses me at all times by my little-known full and legal name WendyWetzelRhymesWithPretzel, she loves pink even more than Anna, I can't eat broccoli without hearing her say in my mind what it does to you, and now that she's all grown up and volunteering in youth ministry herself she recently uttered the sweet words, "We [girls who used to be in your small group] got together and we all agreed that we pretty much treated you like crap." Ah, if only we could convince a local restaurant that they need ice carvings so we could keep these two here instead of in Bend.

But wait, there's more excitement!

Later in the week came the news so shocking my mother wasn't sure she dared believe it: my Too-Smart Brother Guru and Brilliant Sister-in-Law Piscis are expecting a baby! In March I will finally get to be an aunt. It's just not right on some level that I became a mom first, but it is nice to know I have last bats at revenge if Guru starts giving Anna all the obnoxiously noisy toys he's threated. Be aware, my brother, and choose wisely. They will be great parents and Anna is excited to have a cousin with whom to share the spoiling and her grown-out-of stuff (yes, yes you are, Anna).

This week we have our post-placement review visit with our agency's social worker. Considering how overblown the preparations for the actual home study proved to be, I was considering not even bothering to sweep the kitchen, until I realized he might think the flying hairballs are additional pets. Since Anna keep scootching onto the wood, I may just wrap her in double-sided tape. Baby Lint Brush, patent pending.

Sale Report; Court Date

The Great Garage Sale weekend was . . . appropriately great. We did pretty well--lots of people, steady sales, $750 in the bank, and only an entire trailer load left over for the thrift store. Thank you to all those who helped work and make it fun! This sale's Workhorse/Selfless Servant Award goes to Margaret Ann, the only person who at age, uh, a lot more than me will outwork you for three days straight and then call you to thank you for letting her do it!

We have a court date set for May 31. This takes place in Ethiopia without us. I am going to be getting nervous because delays do occasionally happen. If our court is unsuccessful or postponed, besides the general suckiness of waiting longer, there is no way Aaron will go to Young Life camp. But God knows how much the kids and new leaders need him there and has taken care of everything this far. Pray that he ensures success for court and comforts us in our anxiety about it.

After court our embassy date will be scheduled for about a month later. That is the date we plan our travel around. The earliest would be the very end of June . . . so it's possible we'll try to pull off some crazy scheme of going to Michigan for Justin and Toshia's wedding and going from there to Ethiopia. Maybe we will meet our baby on our tenth wedding anniversary! However, that would mean leaving here in one month. Aack! That is exciting yet terrifying because we have so much to do beforehand and because we can't really plan our travel until after court. So I can't plan travel until after court but I want to start traveling just two weeks after court?!? I am going to start calling the expert travel agents and see who has an impressive solution to that little dilemma.

That is just some of what's going on. Please pray for us . . . this is a very stressful time. More information soon.

Referral Aftermath / What Happens Next

First of all, thank you for all the congratulations and well wishes this week! It has been wonderful to hear from so many of you, and we are so blessed to have such incredibly supportive friends and family. You all seem to share your love as naturally as if no other response is even possible, but not everyone experiences such support--so thank you.

Several people have asked, "So when do you get to go get her?" The short answer is: in a couple months. First we must have a successful court date in Ethiopia. This date should be scheduled within a couple weeks and hopefully take place within a month or so. That court date makes us the eternally legal parents of Anna! However, after that an embassy date also must be scheduled--that appointment takes place at least 20 days after court and is when we get her U.S. visa to bring her home. So we plan our travel around that date--if all goes well, it could be late June. Start praying for soon and successful court!

The last six days have certainly been wild and wacky. Suddenly having a daughter kinda throws off your plans for the day, ya know? After we got our pumping adrenaline under control, we had a billion phone calls to make and then congratulations flooding in. We had to get ready for the youth weekend and get Aaron and our gear to church by 11:30 a.m. Friday. I actually got gas, got cash, came home, ate lunch, paid a bill, forwarded the referral information to the pediatrician to look at, and was on the phone with the agency asking the questions I couldn't think of at the first call at 12:30 when the kids were loading up at church. Fifty-one hours later (only about 11 of which were sleep) we were back from the youth extravaganza, and 27 hours later we were back in action for Young Life Club. With more agency and doctor and congratulatory phone calls and emails in between, of course! Now I have boatloads of work to get done in a week and more referral-related details to wrap up, and Aaron is sick. Aaaugh!

Best part of the weekend? Randomly asking kids "Have you seen my baby?" and whipping out the photos!

Coming soon: the story of The Call . . . and The (Other) Call That Shook the World!

Miscellaneous Thoughts, Rants, and Tax Tips

Yellow fever! No, not the shots--that'll be in a few weeks. I'm talking about my scrumdiddlyumptous golden upstairs. I spent three days clambering around spiral stairs like a monkey and straddling a twelve-foot-high loft half-wall like cowgirl--curse you, architect of crazy nonstop-curved-walled spaceship houses! Then a bookshelf warehouse exploded up there. I am enjoying the (almost) end result, though. I think I'll really like having my office up there; I noticed yesterday that it's twenty feet in the air closer to the bald eagle cruising around behind the house. I still have to haul up all my books (good workout) and desk (good luck) and piles of papers (good lord!), but the bedroom side is very clean and cozy. I hope to have the baby's room painted by the time Mom visits, since green is her favorite color and all.

We'd better have our referral by then too, because--besides all the other reasons--I need major Mom-help on baby gear. I went into the used baby stuff shop on Saturday and couldn't bring myself to buy a thing. I just didn't know where to start, since I have no idea of size or anything. Part of me wanted to buy; part of me wanted to cry. I chatted up the nice shop guy about our baby.

I did buy coffee and wonderful apple turnovers at the new European-African-Carribean deli. (Yes, I was scoping for Ethiopian food and black friends.) Coastal dwellers, stop by and support the Volta Deli, on 101 by the hippie music store! I chatted up the nice baker lady about our baby. She said Ethiopians are very beautiful people, which is exactly what all the adoption agencies say, but I had figured it was just biased PR. Apparently it's universally known. So there.

Mr. Famous Singer Guy finally has everything he wants for his grant application. We should hear by May 1. Really hope we get something from that one. I tried starting on some more grants today but found it depressing. Maybe it's the rain, but it felt like doing a dossier all over again.

The good news about taxes: we are getting a refund!

The bad news about taxes: WARNING TO SELF-EMPLOYED ADOPTERS: the adoption tax credit can NOT be applied to the self-employment portion of your taxes. This means that if your income is too low, your (non-self-employment) tax liability might be too low to take the full credit. Even over five years if you are really lucky. I never thought I'd say I hope I can increase my tax liability. Nice to know that those with cash to cover their adoption expenses will get it all back right away so they can help the economy by going to Disneyland or something while those who need the help to enable them to adopt (the purpose of the credit, no?) will get a tiny check and remain too broke to adopt again. Mmmm, it kind of reminds me of my other favorite system, health care . . .

"It’s simple. Most people who can’t afford health insurance also are too poor to owe taxes, but if you give them a deduction from the taxes they don’t owe, they can use the money they’re not getting back from what they haven’t given to buy the health care they can’t afford."

--Stephen Colbert

I apologize for the random and ranting nature of this post. This stuff was cluttering my head so I figured it'd be better to clutter the Internet. This is probably a good argument for the Internet not being free of charge!

The Process after Referral

Or, Five Unknowns Don’t Make a Known

If you’re reading here you probably know that we’re waiting for our referral—waiting to receive The Call saying we’ve been matched with our child, for our turn to ooh and ahh over a couple unflattering photos of a baby in an oversized diaper and off-gender clothes being propped up in an orange plastic chair. But after that glorious day when we officially accept our referral, a few more things still have to happen before our little episode of Bringing Home Baby.

A big variable is Ethiopia’s three-month rule: if a child was found abandoned, they must be in the orphanage’s care for three months before being adopted in order to allow time for any extended family members to come forward and say they will take care of the child. Many of the children—perhaps most infants, though I’m not sure—have been abandoned, but I’ve never heard of anyone coming forward. Ethiopians do highly value children and many families care for extended family members, so if a child is abandoned, most likely the options have been exhausted and none of the family are able to help. An abandoned child is not left to die but left to be found—being taken in to an orphanage care center being by far their best chance at a better life. Babies can be legally relinquished to the government, such as at police station, but I believe this is culturally stigmatized, so they are often simply left somewhere busy where someone will find the child quickly. Perhaps the mother watches from a distance to make sure. I cannot fathom a life where this is your best option, but if you are dying in abject poverty, the unthinkable becomes an act of love.

An abandoned child must be in the orphanage for three months before court can take place. If a parent or other family member brings in the child, this waiting period is not necessary because they sign papers legally relinquishing their rights. When we accept our referral and any necessary wait time is up, documents are sent to the Ethiopian Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs (MOLSA) and a court date is set.

This court date is when we officially, legally become the child’s parents. It normally takes place about a month after referral, but Ethiopia made a new law in January (without warning—I’m pretty sure this is Madonna’s fault) saying that if the parents relinquished, they must appear in court date to confirm their relinquishment. I’m a little fuzzy on the details of this, but it’s apparently slowing things down a bit because agencies/orphanages have to find the parents again and bring them to Addis Ababa, even if they live days away. I’m not sure what happens if they can’t be located, are too sick to travel, or have died; perhaps other family members can appear instead. A court date can be unsuccessful if the case isn’t heard when scheduled (just happened to a bunch of folks I know) or more documents are requested for some reason. So once we get our referral we will start praying like crazy for successful court!

After a successful court date, we are legally parents, but an embassy date must be scheduled. When we travel to Addis, we will spend one day at the U.S. embassy getting a visa for our child. I believe this can’t happen sooner than twenty days after court. We plan our travel around this date.

The estimate used to be that we travel six to eight weeks after referral. Now court seems to be taking a little longer, so we’d better figure two months. Then there is the possible three-months-wait complication . . . and let’s not even talk about the fact that the Ethiopia courts completely shut down in August and September! This is why I quit counting weeks—it was actually the estimating and re-estimating of when we might travel that was making me nuts. Now, I am as optimistic as anyone, but do you see why I am shifting my expectations to June travel instead of May? Of course ye of greater faith are welcome to still root for May! But an awful lot of things will have to go right for that to happen. Some of them must be in motion already. I wonder what’s going on there on the other side of the world.

No News Is Normal News

We are in the phase of our adoption where there's nothing to report that's of any interest to anyone. In the last couple weeks a number of people have asked, "How's your adoption process going?" or "Have you heard anything?" With a pregnancy you don't have any down time where your body's not doing anything. So somehow I sometimes feel like a schmuck saying no, there's nothing to do, nothing to hear. Just waiting. And expecting to wait a couple more months.

Now that our dossier is in Addis (since Dec. 22), we are waiting for the orphanage board to match us with a baby through their G-14 Classified super-duper mysteriously secret individual selection process. This presumably consists mostly of it being our turn to take the next infant under 6 months (which is the age we requested), but they like to make it sound like we're "personally matched" somehow. Since even our U.S. agency has no idea how they do this and other agencies use the same orphanage (it's a large system of centers), it's a surprise to the agency just as much as to us when the referral comes.

That means there's nothing to hear, no updates to be expected. Some parents get bent out of shape about this, but from the agency's perspective I can see why you'd focus your energy on other things than randomly calling parents to say, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I don't know a thing and I won't in the future." No news is normal news. They're working on it. Don't panic. (I think the agency-parent relationship is much like the publisher-author or editor-author relationship in some ways, but that's for another post.)

However, "just" waiting, as any adoptive parent will tell you, is not at all easy--though this not-counting thing is working pretty well for me so far. It also doesn't mean we're not doing anything to prepare. I have a to-do-before-baby list that's a mile long! Would you like a sample?

• get Hep A and travel shots
• apply for more grants
  
• child care/CPR class
  
• deal with insurance company re: surgery and adoption clinic
  
• call OHSU adoption clinic about referral review, first checkups
  
• paint upstairs, get bookshelves, move office
• paint, curtains, etc. for baby's room
• plan next garage sale
• buy baby essentials
• read baby care books in desperate attempt to learn what in the world to do with a baby!
  

While y'all are praying for our baby to (somehow miraculously) arrive in May, could you also pray for miraculous productivity and sanity in our house?