"Depression, teens and marijuana are a dangerous mix that can lead to dependency, mental illness or suicidal thoughts, according to a White House report being released Friday. . . .
"For example, using marijuana increases the risk of developing mental disorders by 40 percent, the report said. And teens who smoke pot at least once a month over a yearlong period are three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than nonusers, it said.
"The report also cited research that showed that teens who smoke marijuana when feeling depressed were more than twice as likely as their peers to abuse or become addicted to pot — 8 percent compared with 3 percent."
Really? Pot is not a good thing? And it's addictive? But all the lazy, depressed, spaced-out pothead kids and their lazy, depressed, spaced-out pothead parents say it doesn't affect them, so it can't possibly affect them. After all, everyone knows that nothing gives you the ability to conduct an honest, thoughtful self-analysis like being on drugs. So just mellow out, doctor dudes.
OVERHEARD IN YOUTH MINISTRY
Student: My stepmom gave my stepbrother pot for his birthday because she said she knew it was all he wanted anyway.