Amish Friendship Bread is neither Amish nor friendly. Discuss.
Okay, I'll start.
First of all, I'm not even sure it's bread.
Second, when did the Amish start using Ziploc bags and boxed instant vanilla pudding?
Third, giving it is not a sign of friendship. It's more like a curse. Every ten days it multiplies to four times its original size. I guess I am supposed to make three friends a week, because I ran out of my original friends. Or we're not friends any more after I infected their houses with this stuff. It's like giving them Gremlins.
Fourth, due to the inclusion of the Amish Boxed Instant Pudding (see point 2), should one attempt to get ahead of the multiplication curve (see point 3) by making a double batch (who the heck has 8 Ziploc bags and friends to spare?) and in the process accidentally omit some ingredient . . . such as, say, apparently, flour . . . one will have invented the newly trademarked Amish Charcoal Cement. It is a lovely substance, with an oily, goopy center cradled in an impenetrable coal crust. Even after five days of soaking, scientists have been unable to completely eradicate it from the pan.
I think I would like to go back to banana bread. Can someone stop by with a metal spoon and an exorcist?